What? Did you miss the press conference?
Chuck Norris has accepted the position of Offensive Coordinator at the University of Alabama. He arrived in Tuscaloosa by fiery chariot this morning.
Although he has no prior coaching experience, Norris is believed to have used his patented roundhouse kick to travel back in time and take 20 years of coaching lessons from the greatest coordinators of all time. The first question on everyone's mind is, "can he beat Auburn?" Norris's response: "Any fingers that Tubby shows will be promptly roundhouse-kicked into oblivion. He might want to keep those ears tucked into his hat too." He also said that he plans to address the offensive line issue by replacing the current blocking scheme with a new "roundhouse blocking" scheme. He promised to explain this scheme further whenever he damn well pleases.
The Chuck Norris hiring has already proven to have an immediate effect on Alabama merchandising, as sales of houndstooth belts and headbands have risen 700% in the last 2 hours. More to come on this story and on the Tubberville suicide watch. Stay tuned.