Any partisan can nettle a neutral. Thatās the difference between passion and dispassion. And I, it must be stipulated, get paid to be neutral. So maybe Iām not the best judge.
On the other hand, I saw my first SEC game in 1969 and covered my first conference game in 1976, and over time Iāve visited each of the leagueās 12 outposts. So Iāve had the opportunity to observe and collate, and today, as a preseason public service, I present this ranking of SEC football fans, starting with the least irritating and culminating with the truly insufferable.
12. Mississippi State: The only time State fans get really upset is when you make fun of their rustic town. I know this from experience. But you know what? If Iād have been a Starkvillian and read what I wrote back in 2005, Iād have gotten ticked, too.
11. Kentucky: No, not because Iām an alum. Because, contrary to popular belief, the worldās worst basketball fans actually care about football. Unlike in hoops, though, theyāre not ready to fire their coach after a loss. Good thing, since the football āCats lose a lot.
10. Vanderbilt: The best thing about Vandy is its academics. The worst thing about Vandy fans is their insistence in hitting you over the head with those academics. If the Commodores donāt care about winning, why are in they in this cutthroat league?
9. Ole Miss: There really arenāt that many Rebel fans, but half of that number feels the burning need to emulate William Faulkner - he was from Oxford and spent a year at the university - and write long and difficult books about Ole Miss football.
8. LSU: Winning fans tend to be the most overstated, but somehow Tiger backers manage to stay relatively polite even when theyāre bragging about all their national championships. Maybe itās because they know, win or lose, theyāll always have the best food.
7. Tennessee: Being a Kentuckian by birth and a Georgian for 24 years, Iām supposed to be disposed to hate UT fans. Sorry, but I never have. Donāt mind all the orange. Donāt mind hearing āRocky Topā a thousand times. Donāt know why I donāt, but there it is.
6. South Carolina: Sisyphus would be a Gamecock. These fans keep showing up, sure that this will finally be be their year. When this year turns out no different from all others, they simply shrug and show up the next year. Kind of sad, but also kind of admirable.
5. Arkansas: It was over the top for Hog fans to file Freedom of Information requests to gain access to Houston Nuttās cell phone records, but it was over the top in an amusing way. One word of warning: Donāt try that stuff with Bobby Petrino. Heāll just up and leave.
4. Alabama: Tide fans used to be the best at being boorish, but now theyāre just irrelevant. They donāt have any reason to strut anymore, so they have to make do with whining about how Tennessee cheats twice as much as Bama but never gets penalized for it.
3. Georgia: Too many grown-up Bulldog fans continue to believe that a game cannot be properly enjoyed without consuming mass quantities of alcohol. A tip: Just because youāre going to watch college football doesnāt give you license to act like youāre still in college.
2. Auburn: Taking their lead from the preening Tommy Tuberville, Auburn people wonāt shut up about how theyāve come to dominate Alabama. This is precisely the thing that used to frost these same folks when they were being dominated. They have become what they beheld.
1. Florida: Gator fans didnāt become obnoxious when Steve Spurrier started beating everybody. They were obnoxious when their team couldnāt win the SEC to save its life. And for all Floridians still irked by Georgiaās celebration, here are two words to Google: Gator Flop.
