| FTBL tounge in cheek article about sabans first year



written by a local guy. i hope he is right :D

And now...What Every Alabama Football Fan WILL Expect
By Steve Moulton

Now, for those of you that did your homework, you get a gold star. Oh Yes, you can continue. The following is a make believe world. Where sunshine is filled with candy and there is no war, just ALABAMA FOOTBALL.

Let us enter the magical place that is inside the Alabama Football Mind. Don’t be afraid. Let’s Explore.

Of course the entire mind structure is built on the Bear. And who could blame them? Just look at the accomplishments. He won 232 games at Alabama and lost only 46. His worst record at Alabama was his first year, 5-4-1. That’s the only Bear team that did not go bowling. And the National Championships, I think they are up to 20 by now. The man is still bigger than College Football itself. Even the top Collegiate Coaches Award is named after him. To say he raised the bar is the biggest understatement among understatements. Let me think, how else could I explain it so that everyone would know what the foundation of Bama Football Fan is. It would be like your favorite college football team having Pete Carroll, Bob Stoops, and Steve Superior all rolled up into one. Or maybe it would be like Dairy Queen giving away free Banana Splits for twenty years, but just to certain “people.” And everybody knows that only those “people” can get the free Banana Splits and it pisses you off.

Alabama’s Football Foundation is as strong as any other Collegiate or Professional Team. The post-Bear foundation is built on a house that has been burned down twice, flooded once, and who could forget the time it was once blown away at a strip club in Pensacola in Hurricane Price. The roof is barely standing. The spot light in the front yard features: the 1992 Season and the 1999 Season. That’s pretty much it. The words Franchinoe, Dubose, and Curry are never to be spoken. This would cause the Bama Fan to self-destruct almost immediately.

Now the exciting conclusion…what WILL an Alabama Football fan expect from Nick Saban in year one? That’s easy. The man won at Toledo, Michigan State, and LSU. He even won a National Championship at LSU. Never mind what happened at Miami in the National Football League. Tis a mere scratch on the resume, that’s all.

Game One: September 2nd vs. Western Carolina.

Other wise known as the Coming out parade of Nick and Terry Saban, Alabama will score on the first eight possessions in a row. Then at halftime, Saban will fire up the troops to pour it on. John Parker Wilson will go 28 of 30 with nine touchdowns and zero interceptions. Final Score Bama 86 Western Carolina 0

Game Two: September 8th at Vanderbilt.

The first SEC Game for Coach Saban since he beat Arkansas on November 26th of 2004(43-14). This Vandy Game will be different. Unlike the close contest over the past years Alabama will dominate in Saban fashion. Using Jimmy Johns in multiple ways, the final score is Bama 49 Vandy 3.

Game Three: September 15th vs. Arkansas.

Why the Razorbacks even bothered showing up is the biggest question. Saban owns Houston Nutt. Final Score Bama 58 Arkansas –5

Game Four: September 22nd vs. Georgia.

Sure Saban is 1-1 against Mark Richt going into the game. That will make the Bammers want it more, and it works. Final Score Bama 72 Georgia 6

Game Five: September 29th vs. FloridaState.

The Seminoles feel the wrath that is Saban. Bobby Bowden decides in his post game speech to give Saban all of his wins including his National Championship in 1999. Saban is now the ALL TIME Most Winning COACH!!!!!!! Final Score Bama 79 FloridaState 0

Game Six: October 6th vs. Houston (Homecoming)

Please: Final Score Bama 99 Houston went home at halftime

Game Seven: October 13th at Ole Miss

Yawn. Coach O asked to sniff Saban’s jock. He was promptly bitch slapped. Final Score Bama 118 Ole Miss 0

Game Eight: The Third Saturday in October

According to Saban we cannot say the other Team’s name from now on. It’s like saying Beetlejuice three times. Coach Fulmer admits to all the wrong doing that he inflicted on the Bama Nation and then is sent directly to jail by order of Saban. Final Score Bama 212 That other team 0.

Game Nine: November 2nd vs. LSU.

Now the season begins. Les Miles decides to step down before the game. He can’t take the pressure. Final Score Bama 56 LSU 3

Game Ten: November 17th vs. Louisiana-Monroe

The Second Squad Plays: Final Score Bama 244 Louisiana-Monroe –9

Game Eleven: November 24th at Auburn.

After five straight wins by that Cow College Saban makes payback personal. After the game, Saban requires Coach Tommy Tuberville to receive a rectal exam in which all five of his fingers will be shoved up his own ass. Final Score Bama 98 That Cow College 0

Game Twelve: The SEC Championship Game

The SEC Eastern Division decides to play with every team thinking that is the only way to beat Saban. Saban grins at the motion and says, “Bring it on.”

Final Score Bama 48 The SEC East 6

Game Thirteen: The BCS Title Game.

Saban decides to play the game in Tuscaloosa. College Football bows to Saban. After long consideration USC forfeits. BAMA NATIONAL CHAMPS AGAIN!

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