SOMEWHERE IN ALABAMA ā Ok, so lemme get this straight ā¦
I heard something about Florida being favored by 9 Ā½ points over āBama in the SEC title game.
Is that right? Was I having a bad dream?
What deranged, lunatic odds-maker set that line? The Taliban?
I just donāt get it.
Folks are writing off the Tide quicker than a bad Fannie Mae loan. And why?
What has people so scared of Florida?
They havenāt really accomplished anything of note, unless you call the defense collapsing faster than a house of cards under Ole Miss quarterback Jevan Sneadās assault something to take note of.
Then, after that 31-30 loss, Tim Tebow gets on the podium and tearfully (Hey! Gators donāt cry!) āvowsā his team will make up for it the rest of the way by working harder than ever before.
So letās see ā¦ since Mississippi (whom we now know is pretty damned good, but still couldnāt beat the Tide) Florida knocked off:
*An Arkansas team coached by a complete imbecile, Bobby Petrino
*An LSU team that just found their quarterback a week ago
*A Kentucky team that wouldāve done better suiting up the cheerleaders and ball boys
*A Georgia team that had already lost THIS yearās game after the first play of LAST yearās game when every Bulldog ran onto the field in some bizarre, sophomoric display of macho
*A Vanderbilt team that was completely out of its league
*A South Carolina team that shouldāve left Steve Spurrier at home (NOTE: The 5th Infantry would lose at Florida Field if former Gators boss Spurrier came back as their coach)
*And a Citadel team that God (and the athletic department accountant) only knows why they showed up
So you see, Iām completely lost by all this āFlorida Phobiaā folks seem to have suddenly contracted.
To tell you the truth, a lot of teams are so intimidated by the Gatorsāspeed ā¦ no doubt a skill many players honed while dodging some of Floridaās Finest in the off-season ā¦ that they were already beaten before kickoff.
My man, Nick āThe Saviorā Saban aināt gonna let that happen.
For one thing heāll strangle any player with his bare hands ā¦ right on the sidelines during the game ā¦ who doesnāt show up to play Saturday.
And for another thing, weāre talking about this state being on the verge of something happening that folks were beginning to wonder if theyād ever see happen again ā¦ (Let us all kneel, please) ā¦ the return of Alabama to college footballās throne room where āBearā Bryant once walked.
If Florida let Snead and Ole Miss roll up 31 points on their asses, what the hell do you think theyāre gonna do with this road-grater of an offense Saban throws at āem Saturday?
It aināt pretty, but neither is Madonna ā¦ and she keeps showing up big every time the spot light is on.
Do you smell what Iām cooking?
Glenn Coffee ā¦ by the way, a Florida guy whoās just burning up inside to stick it to the homeboys ā¦ is a stud at running back.
And those whacky auto execs from Detroit shouldāve taken Tide left tackle Andre Smith (all 6ā4ā, 330-pounds of him) with āem to D.C. a few weeks ago to run interference against those bad-ass congressmen.
And once John Parker Wilson ā¦ yes, Mr. Triple Threat Name himself ā¦ gets the ground game going, you know whatās coming next, baby: A big dose of fantastic freshman wide receiver Julio Jones going deep ā¦ again, and again, and again.
That 41-30 ass-kicking of then No. 3 Georgia (IN Athens) wasnāt nearly as close as it sounds (it was 31-0 at halftime).
THAT was the real Crimson Tide, yaāll (I love being in the South so saying yaāll is normal).
So, I really donāt get all this stuff about fearing Florida just because they run all over the field with a lot of strange formations, reverses and empty backfield sets.
If I wanted to see a lot of āoffensiveā craziness, people running like chickens with their heads cut off and hocus-pocus crap Iād get a ticket to the Jerry Springer Show.
As far as the folks in this neck of the woods are concerned, Floridaās nothing more than an Urban legend ā¦
Roll Damn Tide, Roll!
Nice read!
