LOL... I wish we held a real live draft in a room... all together. That would be fun to witness. Some high comedy and probably a couple of good fights would ensue...
I ran across this the other day while looking for an old file on the desktop... I think I wrote it when Moreno joined the league to give him a heads up... some stuff has changed since then, but it still gives a good history of how things were a couple years back...
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<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> Meet the Leagueā¦
Since you are new, allow me to introduce you to the League. It is a chance to learn a little about the other teams.
Barn Yard Bangers - The Barn Yard Bangersā¦ the Leagueās paper tiger. Chopper is basically a āBug Seligā with better commissioner skills. He keeps the league well oiled and running smoothly, but the team he owns is a perennial abortion. The Barn Yard Bangers would be more appropriately named the Woodshed Bangers, since that is where they spend most of their time. To beat him you just have to manage your lineup on a daily basis and make sure it isnāt illegal, his team will take care of the rest.
Blues City Boobies - The Blues City Boobies! A rags to riches story. Well, a story with an *. While the Boobies are reigning League Champions*, some would argue that he backed his way into the Championship Title* when the playoffs were rendered null and void after a mysterious system glitch. As far as strategy, Fred will raid any free agent with a pulse. If a player proves that he can hit a double or steal a base (a 1 tool player), then he is good enough to become a Boobie for 2 or 3 days, before being dumped back into the public pool. Over the years, he has spent more time in the cellar than Sloth from Goonies, and could be heard screaming, āHEY YOU GUYSā¦ā after only a month into the season. Fred has since honed his skills however, and learned that you have to study to play with the big dogs. Because of this, the Boobies have shown improvement in recent seasons, so you can no longer sleepwalk though a game against him.
Crimson Reds - Stanās Crimson Reds seem to be in the thick of it every season. He is a fantasy baseball veteran with sly draft skills. He is kind of quiet, but will strike when provoked. His teams appear to be sleepers at times and lull you into a false sense of security, then put up 300 points in 2 days, leaving you in the wake, saddled with a loss. His team is comprised of both seasoned players and some young starsā¦ all of whom can put up big numbers during any given week. When you play the Stanner, you will be in a shootout until the end, more times than not.
Dark Side Jedi - The Dark Side Jedi. Yes, a Star Wars geek playing fantasy baseball. It is like Bill Gates trying to play rugby. Normally, the Jedi are nothing more than a doormat. In previous years, the week you played Randy was the week you scheduled your vacation or a major surgery, because you could be away from the Internet for 7 days, and still win by a buck-fifty. This year is different though. The Red Sox are playing great, and since Randyās team basically consists of the āRed Soxā roster, āJedi Weekā is no longer a freebie win. The blind dog done found him a hydrant. Iām going to say something Iāve never uttered beforeā¦ Bring your āAā game when you play Randy. Unless the Red Sox team plane lands in the Boston Harbor one foggy night, The Jedi are going to stay pretty stacked.
Menstrual Valley Rag Arms ā The Menstrual Rags Arms. Factorās teams are always solid. He uses some unorthodox draft strategies, but he puts points on the board. He relies heavily on pitching to carry him, and he is a true student of the game. On average, Factor watches 21.5 hours of baseball a day on TV. The Rag Arms are normally a veteran heavy team, mixed in with a couple of younger gunsā¦ very solid on the mound and surprisingly good at the plate. Factor reminds me a lot of Sparky Andersonā¦ a grizzled vet who knows the game, and heās really, really old. However, even though Factor is elderly, his team must be respected. Do not take the Rag Arms lightly.
Nashville Monkey Bandits - The Monkey Bandits stepped into the league last season and did a very admirable job. He scored points in bunches, and showed fantasy baseball skills that had never been demonstrated before from a hippie. He was solid in every phaseā¦ drafting, day-to-day managing, and strategy. Then came this season... It is now obvious that the Monkey Bandits were a one-hit wonderā¦ much like Milli Vanilli. The comparison doesnāt stop there thoughā¦ some have even suggested that his wife managed his team last season while he was away on business weeks at a time. Is it possible that his success last season wasnāt even his? It sure seems like it. With Randy in the game for once, you can schedule your Disney vacations and liver transplants during the week you play the Bandits.
Snoogans - The Snoogans. This little bastard is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. He is the Gaylord Perry of fantasy baseball. While he plays the innocent fool, he was the mastermind of a deft strategy that was aptly named after his team last seasonā¦ a practice of stacking pitchers (or āSnooganingā), that was later banned. This season, the bold manager allowed the auto-pilot to draft his team while he celebrated his birthday at Chuck E. Cheese with some friends. Obviously, this was done because without rule bending, heād have no shotā¦ he knew he could use the auto-draft as an excuse for sucking. An amazing thing occurred thoughā¦ the computer loaded him with top shelf pitching talent which he has surfed upon to an impressive early season record. Phil, like Fred, is also a waiver wire/free agent whore. Anyone that is promoted to a big league team will be on the Snoogansā roster the very day that heās brought to the Bigs. He takes chances, and so far, they have paid off. Sooner or later though, his luck is bound to run dry. In the meantime, take him seriously.
Woodstock Fat Bastards - The Fat Bastards. Truelove is the only guy in the league bold enough to say, āTo hell with keepers, Iām going to start from scratch.ā Just when you think heās pulled some bizarre **** though, he goes and cuts AJ Burnett from his team. Iām not sure if he was drunk, or if he caught AJ in bed with his wife, but Iāve got a bald spot on my head from scratching it. Anyway, Greg, by the grace of God, has somehow managed to piece together a pretty respectable team, despite his bone headed roster moves. Did I mention he traded away Derek Jeter for Scott āI hit the 100 pitch count in the 4<sup>th</sup> inning of every gameā Kazmir? How this cat is still in contention, let alone in the thick of it, is mind boggling. It is like Mr. Magoo working as a greenhorn on the Bering Sea and not getting wet. It is like Randy Johnson getting laid. It is like Mike DuBose winning an SEC Championship. The Fat Bastards have 9 lives, and his team just will not die, despite the suicide attempts. Until we all wake up one morning to see that Truelove has waived Justin Morneau and Alfonso Soriano, and traded Brad Penny and Derek Lowe for a spider ring and some Chinese finger cuffs, then you should take a match-ups with him seriously.
There you have it man. Welcome to the League!
-Brandon
