| FTBL The Resident College Football Expert Week 1

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The Resident College Football Expert Week 1 – It’s FINALLY Here

By: The Resident College Football Expert

Some people wonder what a College Football Expert does during the summer. Why he does what all of you do during the off-season, he obsesses about college football. Your Expert takes his commitment to bringing you quality picks each and every week very seriously. That’s why he underwent a serious training regimen over the summer. Being a top notch College Football Expert requires above all else, the ability to sit on a couch and watch 12-16 hours of college football each and every Saturday. So Your Expert has been preparing himself for the upcoming season by watching hours of baseball, NASCAR, poker, game shows, and reality shows training his sitting butt to endure the 12-16 hours it will have to sit on that couch each Saturday this season. He went to Blockbuster and rented stacks of movies, not because he has a thing for Scarlett Johansson as some would have you believe, but because of his commitment to you, his loyal and loving fans. Your Expert even made the ultimate sacrifice, going to Las Vegas and spending hours sitting in front of slot machines, just sitting and watching while women brought him cocktails, not taking a single bathroom break, because true College Football Experts watch three games at a time and all three games are never at commercial at the same time, and thus there are no bathroom breaks!

Of course, Your Expert also does his share of college football research in the off season as well. He searched the Internet for tidbits of information about college football teams all over the country. He watched hours of Sportscenter, enduring the greatest of hardships in a labor of love for his fans. He had to endure hours of Barry Bonds home run chasing, Michael Vick dog fights, Lou Holtz crazy granny ramblings, and Chris Berman nonsense just to hear a three minute interview with Charlie Weis. This was not an easy off season for Your Expert, but these are the sacrifices one must make to be truly great! This is what Your Expert MUST DO to make sure he brings you quality picks week in and week out.

Those of you who have been long time fans of The Resident College Football Expert have no doubt seen how his hard work and determination have paid off! Each and every season, Your Expert just gets better and better. 46% success rate in 2003, 51% in 2004, 71% in 2005, and an amazing, astronomical, improbable, incredible, 81% last year.

Now you may ask yourself, do WE (the members of RollTideBama) have the greatest College Football Expert in the entire world? Did Dennis Dobb have a 81% success rate last year? No, a sad little 77%. Did Lee Corso come close to 81%? No, try more like 21%! To answer to your question fan, YES, Your College Football Expert is the greatest in the world. It’s been his hard work and dedication that have gotten him here and he’s not letting up this year either. This year will be even better, just like every year before!

So week one of the college football season is finally here and there is not much to choose from in the way of BIG GAMES or major competition. This one should be pretty easy. Anything less than nine for nine would just be unheard of.

Thursday Night Special – LSWho? Vs. Miss. State

Your Expert isn’t sold on LSWho? this year and he isn’t sold on Matt Flynn at QB. He dang sure isn’t sold on Les Miles. In fact, maybe the only duo in the whole country Your Expert is less sold on are Sly Croom and Mike Henig. Still, you have to like the fact the Bulldogs played South Carolina tough in week one last year and they are at home. They will probably give LSWho? a game and make this thing pretty entertaining. Take MSU at 18.5, but count on LSWho? to win the game…LSWho? 31 MSU 17

GA Tech vs. Notre Dumb

If Notre Dumb is supposed to be down this year and Tech is supposed to be a major contender in the ACC, why have the odds makers made the Dumb a favorite in this game? Don’t buy into the stupidity loyal readers. The Yellow Jackets are the same team this year that they are every year, a mediocre one. They won’t be going on the road to South Bend and pulling any upsets, not since the Steelers passed on old Chan-Chan…Notre Dumb 27 Ga Tech 20

Wake Forest vs. Boston College

Did Wake Forest really win the ACC last year, or was Your Expert just dreaming? They must have really won it. This is one of those games that’s scary because it appears the odds makers have made it too easy. BC is a 6.5 point favorite? Isn’t this the team whose coach bolted for NC State (has to be embarrassing to lose a coach to the Wolf Pack)? Didn’t they have to really scrape the bottom of the bucket to find a coach? How will they knock off the defending champs? They won’t! Wake 17 BC 14

Western Carolina vs. Alabama

Do we really need to go here? What would Bama need to do to lose this game? Turn it over ten times? Have every player come down with a stomach virus? Show up to the game 15 minutes late? Nick Saban could beat Western Carolina by himself. Get ready to celebrate Greg McElroy’s first collegiate touchdown! Bama 52 West Car 10

Kansas State vs. The Barn

Anyone thinking K-State has a prayer in this game hasn’t been reading enough Expert articles the last couple of years. K-State stinks! They stunk last year and the year before and they will again this year. Everyone wants to get excited cause they went 7-5 last year and went to a bowl game. Yeah, but they play in the Big 12 North. Who is your big competition there? Missouri? Colorado? Please. The Expert loves being a homer and picking against the Barn just as much as the next guy, but it just wouldn’t be smart to do in this game. The Barn 31 K-State 6

The Viles vs. California

Another thing Your Expert has heard waaaayyy to much recently…blah, blah, blah, last year was a fluke, blah blah blah, won’t happen again, blah, blah, blah, Cal has a better team. Give it rest morons. Just let yourself admit that we play better football in the South than all your north-east and west-coast fancy boys. Florida was better than Ohio State, UT was and still is better than California and they will prove it again this weekend. The Viles 34 California 23

North Texas Hating Pick of the Week: North Texas vs. Oklahoma

The Mean Green is looking forward to another great season this year after overachieving last year finishing off with an amazing 3-8 record. Quite an accomplishment for a team that only scored four touchdowns last year. Maybe this year they will score FIVE! Maybe even score one against Oklahoma? Probably not. Oklahoma 62 North Texas 0

You Want Upsets? FSU vs. Clemson

Oh the excitement of watching Jimbo Fischer’s first game as the offensive coordinator of Florida State. Is he the man to right this sinking ship? Uh, don’t think so. It’s been the same story for Florida State every season for the last three or four years. Tons of pre-season hype, tons of talent, lots of heart-breaking losses. Your Expert doesn’t see this season being any different. Not while the HEAD MAN is still old and senile. Clemson 16 FSU 12

We Got Upsets! UCLA vs. Stanford

Man, oh man, is UCLA overrated. What makes them such a great team? That they knocked off USC last year at the end of the season? If that’s the formula for success, Oklahoma State must have had a great season after they knocked off Oklahoma at the end of the season a few years ago. Is that what happened? No, OK State continued to stink, as will UCLA. One win isn’t going to make all their players more talented all of sudden. It isn’t going to make their coaches any smarter. Stafford’s coach did get smarter, however. Not because he went back to school or anything, because he’s a whole different guy. He’s “Horrible” Jim Harbaugh and when a legendary coach like Mike Ditka gives you a nickname like horrible, you must be a good coach.

Ok, The Expert is aware that picking 1-11 Stanford as the upset special bit him in the backside a couple of times last year, so maybe we’re just playing the “due” theory here. This team has to win a game eventually, right? Stanford 37 UCLA 24
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