🏀 New Goals For Bama Basketball

[TheChief]

University of Alabama to Replace Goals at Season’s End


The University of Alabama discloses it will be forced to repair the Coleman Coliseum backboards at season’s end. After last night’s Georgia game, Avery Johnson was almost certain those repairs would need to be made immediately.

“The air balls aren’t as bad,” Johnson said with his characteristically pained expression commonly witnessed during the last two excruciating seasons. “But the bricks… those bricks do damage.”

During one of the timeouts, after a Collins’ mortar-round, three point attempt, the maintenance department called in engineering professors to examine the glass. Only small cracks were visible, and since Bama had begun to heave air balls the likelihood of damaging the hoop seemed small. The game continued.

School officials hope that someday the team will be talented and loaded with players who have actually shot a basketball before arriving on campus. The dreams of having a Final Four team will obviously never be realized, but most Alabama fans agree that it would be nice if the team had players that could score somewhat consistently even if they never won another SEC Championship. Currently, the team cannot win a free throw contest against little old ladies, small children, and old plumbers who played the game thirty years ago in junior high. Most believe if the team is actually ever any good at all, they will not be forced to replace the backboards several times a season.

 

[TUSKtimes]

University of Alabama to Replace Goals at Season’s End


The University of Alabama discloses it will be forced to repair the Coleman Coliseum backboards at season’s end. After last night’s Georgia game, Avery Johnson was almost certain those repairs would need to be made immediately.

“The air balls aren’t as bad,” Johnson said with his characteristically pained expression commonly witnessed during the last two excruciating seasons. “But the bricks… those bricks do damage.”

During one of the timeouts, after a Collins’ mortar-round, three point attempt, the maintenance department called in engineering professors to examine the glass. Only small cracks were visible, and since Bama had begun to heave air balls the likelihood of damaging the hoop seemed small. The game continued.

School officials hope that someday the team will be talented and loaded with players who have actually shot a basketball before arriving on campus. The dreams of having a Final Four team will obviously never be realized, but most Alabama fans agree that it would be nice if the team had players that could score somewhat consistently even if they never won another SEC Championship. Currently, the team cannot win a free throw contest against little old ladies, small children, and old plumbers who played the game thirty years ago in junior high. Most believe if the team is actually ever any good at all, they will not be forced to replace the backboards several times a season.

Now that's some serious satire.

 

[bradenob]

From the title I thought it was going to be new goals since we are out of the in NCAA tournament LOL!

Like having a team average of 70% free throw shooting.

Or having more assists than turnovers on average.

Or shooting 50%, I mean let's even say 45%, from the field.