ChemE
Member
Not to this level, but I understand. Copy and paste from a TI poster during a long summer before our team gets back into action.
I am a butthole and have no class Hilts 2008-12-01
I am a bad sport. I taunted Auburn fans like never before. The following is merely an acknowledgment, not a confession, as that implies sin, and I am not really contrite. It isn't an apology either, it is what it is, merely a statement for the historical record.
I sat in section 426 Saturday, which if you aren't familiar, the new upper deck, and it was where many barn fans were parked. A sea of orange around me for three quarters, replaced by a sea of bleachers.
But for the second half of the game I taunted, and I became louder as the game went on, just because the barners were so spread out as the clock wound down. Didn't seem nearly as concentrated as they were pregame.
They were a feisty bunch pregame, standing up and flipping birds to the band, the team running out on the field, the starting lineup, and the pregame films. Even the "war damn eagle" shouted out during a pause in the National Anthem got raucous applause from those in that section.
I sat with a buddy who is of a different temperament than me, Stephen who is very laid back and low key. He was a nice leveling influence on me, for a time that is. I was skittish, I was infected with Shulaitis in a pretty bad way and I was so uptight for whole season about this game, regardless what else we did, it was all worthless without this win in my eyes.
Anyway, I was polite and humble during the first half. I cheered when we scored, I roared loudly when we blocked the field goal at half time. After the first half though, something changed in me.
I saw a ten-point lead, I saw a great defense meeting a bad offense. I saw a victory coming for the first time in more than half a decade.
What put me over the edge was the second turnover by the barn, the second fumble. I really exploded with rage. I suppose it was a passive aggressive attack on all the barners around me, as I do realize Tuberville couldn't hear me even though the statement was directed at him.
"{redacted} you Tommy Tuberville!!!!!" I shouted with bird fingers extended, "take your [violation of the third commandment type profanity] [incestuous obscenity] [euphemism for buttocks] back to [redacted county in Alabama which shares the same name as the top confederate general] and stick your fingers up your [donkey]" I am sure my face had a "Old Yeller with the hydrophobee" look about it, as I was spewing verbal Linda Blair pea soup.
Immediately the barners reacted. An older couple, older than me no doubt, sixtyish(?) was in front of me and the man turned to me and said "you need to be quiet and show class". I snapped at him, "you need to shut your mouth, turn around and watch your [donkey] whoopin" (note: all conversations following were at shouting levels)
Him: "You have no class, and you are a [Francis the talking mule] hole!!!!"
Me: "So what??? This guy next to me is my friend and he would tell anyone the same thing"
I noticed that the barners next to Stephen shifted, the boy (14-ish) swapped places with his dad, and his dad immediately leaned over and said, "Hey you, don't use that language around my son, you are a [doo doo-ey] representation of your university!"
At this same moment, Mark Ingram had caught a screen and rumbled and stumbled to inside the ten yard line, if my memory is correct.
"yeah?????? That linebacker is a [bowel movement waste-y] representative of your defense!!!"
Cody came out, we scored and at that moment the barner dad decided he'd leave. As he was walking by me he said "I have to get my boy out of here, he has a temper and he is about to break your glasses" [no kidding, the kid was 14 -16 years old] I replied "I have three more pairs at home"
I was feeling flush with confidence, like an Israeli squad leader in 1948 Palestine who had just cleared his first neighborhood. The game continued, I was more vocal, sometimes no more than a wild cackling laugh every time we made a tackle or good play that sounded like a hyena on meth, sometimes a "woooo hooooo, kick some [rhymes with grass] BAMA!!!!] Anything I could think of to grate the nerves of my temporary neighbors.
As the fourth quarter came upon us, I got louder (if possible). I shouted at the top of my lungs "Dear lord in heaven, I hope those people who work the gates are careful. We could have a death like the Walmart stampede, as all the barners are galloping to the exits!!!"
A lady turned around and shouted with a menacing look "That is so classless, somebody died there and you are making fun of it, you should be ashamed [I wasn't], this game is NOTHING, that is real life, this game is nothing and you make it out to be much more than that!"
Me: "You got it half right baby [as I pointed to the scoreboard]. YOUR game is NOTHING today OURS is TWENTY-NINE POINTS"
My best line follows in this exchange..
Her husband whipped around and shouted, "you are a terrible fan, you don't know what it is like to be a good fan"
Me: "That is true, I am a bad fan, but I am a great dancer", and proceeded to gyrate my hips and thrust my pelvis in a demented Ed Grimley dance, which would never been allowed on the Ed Sullivan show, all the time chanting "number one baby number one"
I then proceeded to shout out "PLEASSSSSE PLEAASSSSEE PLEASE play Rammer Jammer while some are still here to listen to it."
Completely unprovoked, I turned to the folks behind me and said "should I move??? Can you see ok??? I don't want to obstruct your view and have you miss any of the action" [I should note that these were barner fans]
After our last touchdown, and Rammer Jammer, the old guy started yelling at me, "Enjoy it while you can you will get your [burro] kicked next week"
Me: "Well, watch it on tv and let me know how it works out, and if it makes you feel any better, I'll root against you in the blue grey game"
They left in disgust. At this point, my Cuban cigar was whipped out (literally, not metaphorically in a Bill Clintonesqe way] and lit up. I looked like a crazed Nick Fury, with it clenched in my teeth.
As we were ripping off eight yards per carry in the fourth quarter, I shouted "ooooooo, somebody's getting tired, .could be me though after holding up seven fingers all night long"
That pretty much sums up the most egregious examples of my behavior, I "Roll Tided" everyone I saw, threw up 7 fingers all the way to the Houndstooth.
I am sure there will be chastisement from some of you, so be it. I feel no shame, guilt or indigestion. I'd do the same thing again if I could, only next time I would hunt down barner children in miniature cheerleader outfits to make them cry in addition to the ones I interacted with.
No shame, no remorse, no conscience. Live with it old timers.
I am a butthole and have no class Hilts 2008-12-01
I am a bad sport. I taunted Auburn fans like never before. The following is merely an acknowledgment, not a confession, as that implies sin, and I am not really contrite. It isn't an apology either, it is what it is, merely a statement for the historical record.
I sat in section 426 Saturday, which if you aren't familiar, the new upper deck, and it was where many barn fans were parked. A sea of orange around me for three quarters, replaced by a sea of bleachers.
But for the second half of the game I taunted, and I became louder as the game went on, just because the barners were so spread out as the clock wound down. Didn't seem nearly as concentrated as they were pregame.
They were a feisty bunch pregame, standing up and flipping birds to the band, the team running out on the field, the starting lineup, and the pregame films. Even the "war damn eagle" shouted out during a pause in the National Anthem got raucous applause from those in that section.
I sat with a buddy who is of a different temperament than me, Stephen who is very laid back and low key. He was a nice leveling influence on me, for a time that is. I was skittish, I was infected with Shulaitis in a pretty bad way and I was so uptight for whole season about this game, regardless what else we did, it was all worthless without this win in my eyes.
Anyway, I was polite and humble during the first half. I cheered when we scored, I roared loudly when we blocked the field goal at half time. After the first half though, something changed in me.
I saw a ten-point lead, I saw a great defense meeting a bad offense. I saw a victory coming for the first time in more than half a decade.
What put me over the edge was the second turnover by the barn, the second fumble. I really exploded with rage. I suppose it was a passive aggressive attack on all the barners around me, as I do realize Tuberville couldn't hear me even though the statement was directed at him.
"{redacted} you Tommy Tuberville!!!!!" I shouted with bird fingers extended, "take your [violation of the third commandment type profanity] [incestuous obscenity] [euphemism for buttocks] back to [redacted county in Alabama which shares the same name as the top confederate general] and stick your fingers up your [donkey]" I am sure my face had a "Old Yeller with the hydrophobee" look about it, as I was spewing verbal Linda Blair pea soup.
Immediately the barners reacted. An older couple, older than me no doubt, sixtyish(?) was in front of me and the man turned to me and said "you need to be quiet and show class". I snapped at him, "you need to shut your mouth, turn around and watch your [donkey] whoopin" (note: all conversations following were at shouting levels)
Him: "You have no class, and you are a [Francis the talking mule] hole!!!!"
Me: "So what??? This guy next to me is my friend and he would tell anyone the same thing"
I noticed that the barners next to Stephen shifted, the boy (14-ish) swapped places with his dad, and his dad immediately leaned over and said, "Hey you, don't use that language around my son, you are a [doo doo-ey] representation of your university!"
At this same moment, Mark Ingram had caught a screen and rumbled and stumbled to inside the ten yard line, if my memory is correct.
"yeah?????? That linebacker is a [bowel movement waste-y] representative of your defense!!!"
Cody came out, we scored and at that moment the barner dad decided he'd leave. As he was walking by me he said "I have to get my boy out of here, he has a temper and he is about to break your glasses" [no kidding, the kid was 14 -16 years old] I replied "I have three more pairs at home"
I was feeling flush with confidence, like an Israeli squad leader in 1948 Palestine who had just cleared his first neighborhood. The game continued, I was more vocal, sometimes no more than a wild cackling laugh every time we made a tackle or good play that sounded like a hyena on meth, sometimes a "woooo hooooo, kick some [rhymes with grass] BAMA!!!!] Anything I could think of to grate the nerves of my temporary neighbors.
As the fourth quarter came upon us, I got louder (if possible). I shouted at the top of my lungs "Dear lord in heaven, I hope those people who work the gates are careful. We could have a death like the Walmart stampede, as all the barners are galloping to the exits!!!"
A lady turned around and shouted with a menacing look "That is so classless, somebody died there and you are making fun of it, you should be ashamed [I wasn't], this game is NOTHING, that is real life, this game is nothing and you make it out to be much more than that!"
Me: "You got it half right baby [as I pointed to the scoreboard]. YOUR game is NOTHING today OURS is TWENTY-NINE POINTS"
My best line follows in this exchange..
Her husband whipped around and shouted, "you are a terrible fan, you don't know what it is like to be a good fan"
Me: "That is true, I am a bad fan, but I am a great dancer", and proceeded to gyrate my hips and thrust my pelvis in a demented Ed Grimley dance, which would never been allowed on the Ed Sullivan show, all the time chanting "number one baby number one"
I then proceeded to shout out "PLEASSSSSE PLEAASSSSEE PLEASE play Rammer Jammer while some are still here to listen to it."
Completely unprovoked, I turned to the folks behind me and said "should I move??? Can you see ok??? I don't want to obstruct your view and have you miss any of the action" [I should note that these were barner fans]
After our last touchdown, and Rammer Jammer, the old guy started yelling at me, "Enjoy it while you can you will get your [burro] kicked next week"
Me: "Well, watch it on tv and let me know how it works out, and if it makes you feel any better, I'll root against you in the blue grey game"
They left in disgust. At this point, my Cuban cigar was whipped out (literally, not metaphorically in a Bill Clintonesqe way] and lit up. I looked like a crazed Nick Fury, with it clenched in my teeth.
As we were ripping off eight yards per carry in the fourth quarter, I shouted "ooooooo, somebody's getting tired, .could be me though after holding up seven fingers all night long"
That pretty much sums up the most egregious examples of my behavior, I "Roll Tided" everyone I saw, threw up 7 fingers all the way to the Houndstooth.
I am sure there will be chastisement from some of you, so be it. I feel no shame, guilt or indigestion. I'd do the same thing again if I could, only next time I would hunt down barner children in miniature cheerleader outfits to make them cry in addition to the ones I interacted with.
No shame, no remorse, no conscience. Live with it old timers.
