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imported_RollTideRandy
The Resident College Football Expert Week 7 – Mrs. Expert
Mrs. Expert’s Corner
Mrs. Resident College Football Expert wants to tell the small segment of Expert fans that continue to harass the Expert over his recent run of bad picks that we are tired of it. Over the last week we have had for sale signs put in our yard, our home has had eggs thrown on it and I'm pretty sure someone slashed the tires on Mrs. Expert’s car (thought the cops still believe they are just simultaneously combusted, the investigation continues). You do know that the Expert is just trying to help you make sweet, sweet money (not that he would ever participate in or promote illegal gambling), don’t you? If what the Expert and his intern did was so wrong, why are so many of you still reading every week? Do you people realize that if it wasn’t for your Expert, someone much more stupider would be making the picks every week? Maybe even someone who didn’t hate North Texas. Mrs. Expert knows that if the Expert had picked Stanford last week not one of you would care about the UT-UGA pick, but I guess that is the life of a College Football Expert. The Expert is so depressed that he has to take Lunesta just to get a decent night of sleep. I woke up one night and found the Expert sitting in the floor crying and clutching a gambling sheet he received from Lee Corso during a visit we made to College Gameday. All he wants to do is make correct picks, gamble, and drink excessively. His dream is to go 10-0 one week, for you, his loving and faithful readers. The Expert just needs a little more time and he will give you all a week of picks we can all be proud of. Charles Barkley called the Expert on Sunday to let us know he has lost millions of dollars betting the Expert’s picks this season but he’s hanging in there. Maybe all of you need to learn a lesson from him.
The Expert wants me to pass these picks along to you.
LSU vs Kentucky
Who knew running it right up the middle was how you score on LSU’s defense? Urban Meyer, that’s who and that’s exactly what he did last week. Florida though has dominated the line of scrimmage in every game they have played this year. That’s how they made LSU look almost human last week. Do you know which team is really bad at the line of scrimmage? Kentucky and that’s why LSU will blow them away this weekend. LSU 34 Kentucky 17
The Barn vs. Arkansas
The Barn is just catching Arkansas at the wrong time. The Hawgs always play well against the Barn anyway, but this year, Arkansas is coming of weeks in which they blew out North Texas and Chattanooga and had plenty of time to rest their banged up running backs. McFadden is rested and ready to run over someone again. Arkansas 24 The Barn 16
Bama vs Old Missy
Old Missy has excelled at playing well against good teams and poorly against bad teams this season. Now they play a pretty average Crimson Tide team, quite frankly, making this a tough one to call. The Old Missy team that played Florida might pull off an upset, while the Old Missy team that played against Vandy will probably lose by three scores. So which is it? Let’s not forget there’s another team in this game, one that needs to gain some momentum and keep winning. No matter which Old Missy team that shows up, Bama will do what it takes to win. Bama 31 Old Missy 13
Missouri vs Oklahoma
There is no Texas on the horizon as the Sooners take on the “beast” of the North, Missouri. Missouri is one of the many deceptively bad teams in the top 25 right now. Teams that are benefiting greatly by an easy early schedule that has propelled them up into the rankings. Truth is, there’s probably a handful 3-3 teams better than 5-0 Missouri. The Sooners will show the world the truth about Missouri this week. Oklahoma 27 Missouri 10
aTm vs Texas Tech
This one is so eeeeaasy, the Expert almost feels guilty taking it. Texas Tech loves beating aTm and they have had Franny the Fanny’s number in recent years. With all the distractions recently, Franny barely has enough time to clutch his Bible and cry, much less coach a football team. Good thing he’s having trouble sleeping. You think his guys would agree to some 3 a.m. practices? Texas Tech 45 aTm 32
North Texas Hating Pick of the Week: Louisiana Monroe vs North Texas
Did you hear the good news? North Texas is the “not so” Mean Green again! Yeah! Yep, after a season and a half of being “the Eagles”, North Texas has decided to go back to having a really stupid mascot. Seems with all the losing, they haven’t been selling much merchandise over the past two seasons and they didn’t want folks to start thinking they didn’t have any fans, so they decided they would still claim the ones who haven’t bought a new t-shirt in five years. Anyway, in the world of much less important thing, like their football team, they will lose again. Louisiana Monroe 25 North Texas 23
Upset of the Week #1: Notre Dumb vs Boston College
After picking up their first win of the season last week against UCLA, the Dumb has plenty of motivation to keep winning. They only have five losses right now and if your Expert is not mistaken, he believes they still get an automatic bid to a BCS bowl if they can finish 6-6. Boston College is another one of those ACC teams that hate prosperity so look for the upset in this one. The Dumb extend the win streak to two! Notre Dumb 15 Boston College 14
Upset of the week #2: Central Florida vs South Florida
You all know how this story ends. It’s never a really good team that ends Cinderella’s run, it’s always some little team in a game that’s not televised, so we have to watch highlights on SportsCenter that were shot with a camcorder from the roof of the field house. That’s how it works. Central Florida 27 South Florida 24
Upset of the Week #3: Illinois vs Iowa
Sports writers have proclaimed this week that Zooky, “Has It!” and “Is Bringing The Goods.” This is still Ron Zook people. Unless magic brain growing pills were invented and the Expert just hasn’t heard about it yet, there’s no way this ends well for Illinois. Not with Zooky in charge and Jeff George ain’t walking through that door people (sorry, Rick Pitino moment there). With everyone patting them on the back this week, they are plump and prime for the upset picking. Iowa 24 Illinois 17
Upset of the Week #4: Oregon St vs California
Why? Because the Pac 10 is just crazy this year, that’s why. They have to give the media a new team to fall over every week. Last week was USC (by the way, does anyone even remember who upset them? How about some props for Stanford? Everything is how USC will rebound and how long it’s been since they lost at home. ESPN climbs up in their butts even when they lose), this week it was Cal, next week it will be Arizona State (who will win this week if you want a little bonus pick). The Pac 10 gets closer and closer to being the ACC each and every week. Oregon State 21 California 18
Mrs. Expert’s Corner
Mrs. Resident College Football Expert wants to tell the small segment of Expert fans that continue to harass the Expert over his recent run of bad picks that we are tired of it. Over the last week we have had for sale signs put in our yard, our home has had eggs thrown on it and I'm pretty sure someone slashed the tires on Mrs. Expert’s car (thought the cops still believe they are just simultaneously combusted, the investigation continues). You do know that the Expert is just trying to help you make sweet, sweet money (not that he would ever participate in or promote illegal gambling), don’t you? If what the Expert and his intern did was so wrong, why are so many of you still reading every week? Do you people realize that if it wasn’t for your Expert, someone much more stupider would be making the picks every week? Maybe even someone who didn’t hate North Texas. Mrs. Expert knows that if the Expert had picked Stanford last week not one of you would care about the UT-UGA pick, but I guess that is the life of a College Football Expert. The Expert is so depressed that he has to take Lunesta just to get a decent night of sleep. I woke up one night and found the Expert sitting in the floor crying and clutching a gambling sheet he received from Lee Corso during a visit we made to College Gameday. All he wants to do is make correct picks, gamble, and drink excessively. His dream is to go 10-0 one week, for you, his loving and faithful readers. The Expert just needs a little more time and he will give you all a week of picks we can all be proud of. Charles Barkley called the Expert on Sunday to let us know he has lost millions of dollars betting the Expert’s picks this season but he’s hanging in there. Maybe all of you need to learn a lesson from him.
The Expert wants me to pass these picks along to you.
LSU vs Kentucky
Who knew running it right up the middle was how you score on LSU’s defense? Urban Meyer, that’s who and that’s exactly what he did last week. Florida though has dominated the line of scrimmage in every game they have played this year. That’s how they made LSU look almost human last week. Do you know which team is really bad at the line of scrimmage? Kentucky and that’s why LSU will blow them away this weekend. LSU 34 Kentucky 17
The Barn vs. Arkansas
The Barn is just catching Arkansas at the wrong time. The Hawgs always play well against the Barn anyway, but this year, Arkansas is coming of weeks in which they blew out North Texas and Chattanooga and had plenty of time to rest their banged up running backs. McFadden is rested and ready to run over someone again. Arkansas 24 The Barn 16
Bama vs Old Missy
Old Missy has excelled at playing well against good teams and poorly against bad teams this season. Now they play a pretty average Crimson Tide team, quite frankly, making this a tough one to call. The Old Missy team that played Florida might pull off an upset, while the Old Missy team that played against Vandy will probably lose by three scores. So which is it? Let’s not forget there’s another team in this game, one that needs to gain some momentum and keep winning. No matter which Old Missy team that shows up, Bama will do what it takes to win. Bama 31 Old Missy 13
Missouri vs Oklahoma
There is no Texas on the horizon as the Sooners take on the “beast” of the North, Missouri. Missouri is one of the many deceptively bad teams in the top 25 right now. Teams that are benefiting greatly by an easy early schedule that has propelled them up into the rankings. Truth is, there’s probably a handful 3-3 teams better than 5-0 Missouri. The Sooners will show the world the truth about Missouri this week. Oklahoma 27 Missouri 10
aTm vs Texas Tech
This one is so eeeeaasy, the Expert almost feels guilty taking it. Texas Tech loves beating aTm and they have had Franny the Fanny’s number in recent years. With all the distractions recently, Franny barely has enough time to clutch his Bible and cry, much less coach a football team. Good thing he’s having trouble sleeping. You think his guys would agree to some 3 a.m. practices? Texas Tech 45 aTm 32
North Texas Hating Pick of the Week: Louisiana Monroe vs North Texas
Did you hear the good news? North Texas is the “not so” Mean Green again! Yeah! Yep, after a season and a half of being “the Eagles”, North Texas has decided to go back to having a really stupid mascot. Seems with all the losing, they haven’t been selling much merchandise over the past two seasons and they didn’t want folks to start thinking they didn’t have any fans, so they decided they would still claim the ones who haven’t bought a new t-shirt in five years. Anyway, in the world of much less important thing, like their football team, they will lose again. Louisiana Monroe 25 North Texas 23
Upset of the Week #1: Notre Dumb vs Boston College
After picking up their first win of the season last week against UCLA, the Dumb has plenty of motivation to keep winning. They only have five losses right now and if your Expert is not mistaken, he believes they still get an automatic bid to a BCS bowl if they can finish 6-6. Boston College is another one of those ACC teams that hate prosperity so look for the upset in this one. The Dumb extend the win streak to two! Notre Dumb 15 Boston College 14
Upset of the week #2: Central Florida vs South Florida
You all know how this story ends. It’s never a really good team that ends Cinderella’s run, it’s always some little team in a game that’s not televised, so we have to watch highlights on SportsCenter that were shot with a camcorder from the roof of the field house. That’s how it works. Central Florida 27 South Florida 24
Upset of the Week #3: Illinois vs Iowa
Sports writers have proclaimed this week that Zooky, “Has It!” and “Is Bringing The Goods.” This is still Ron Zook people. Unless magic brain growing pills were invented and the Expert just hasn’t heard about it yet, there’s no way this ends well for Illinois. Not with Zooky in charge and Jeff George ain’t walking through that door people (sorry, Rick Pitino moment there). With everyone patting them on the back this week, they are plump and prime for the upset picking. Iowa 24 Illinois 17
Upset of the Week #4: Oregon St vs California
Why? Because the Pac 10 is just crazy this year, that’s why. They have to give the media a new team to fall over every week. Last week was USC (by the way, does anyone even remember who upset them? How about some props for Stanford? Everything is how USC will rebound and how long it’s been since they lost at home. ESPN climbs up in their butts even when they lose), this week it was Cal, next week it will be Arizona State (who will win this week if you want a little bonus pick). The Pac 10 gets closer and closer to being the ACC each and every week. Oregon State 21 California 18
