🏈 Best Auburn Hate Week Jokes!!

[Bamabww]

How do you know when you're staying in an awbarn hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "ok, go ahead."

 

[rick4bama]

Excuses awbarn will use this week:

We are a young team

Red Elephant Club paid our players

Refs show Bama bias

The SEC office is on the REC's payroll.

To many injuries

Our new trees were burned

Gus doesn't trust "Pope" Freeze enough to bounce high school ideas off of to see if they may work in Division 1

I think Saban was using those ex NFL scout-team players in the game. That was either Julio Jones or Amari Cooper that torched us for 400 + receiving yards!

Deer antler spray is definitely working

Petrino stole the playbook

The Governor raided Victoryland

You forgot the SEC office is in B'ham.

 

[rick4bama]

Will you show Bama your Championship Rings? If not look here!

Coach Burton Burns will show you what championship Rings look like!

 

[pasadena pachyderm]

There was a man far too intelligent for his own good. He could never carry on a general conversation, never pickup a lady. He searched far and wide until one day he found a research scientist who claimed to be able to lower a persons IQ with a machine he invented.

The man jumped at the chance and called the scientist. So he went to meet the scientist and found the machine to be real and even met a couple former patients who raved about the successful treatment.

So the man agreed to try it and the scientist hooked the man up to the machine and turned the dial. The IQ meter started at 223 and slowly started to decrease. All of a sudden a power surge struck and the machine worked faster and faster. 200...180...130...70, down and down it went until the scientist was eventually able to turn it off. The dial stood at 5.

Scocked and worried the scientist yelled and slapped the man. Wake up he shouted. Finally the man started to mumble. The scientist leaned in to hear what he had to say:

wuh...



wuh...



War Eagle

 

[rick4bama]

 

[PurlJam]

What's the difference between a porcupine and awburn fans at Jordan -Hare? A porcupine has 85,000 pricks on the outside.

 

[RollllTide!]

 

[bama alum]

 

[Bamabww]

Upset about losing to Alabama again, an Auburn Cheerleader was rushed to the Emergency room after attempting suicide by drinking a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill Wine and swallowing a hand full of Nitroglycerin pills. When asked about the bruises on his head and cheek, he said they were from running into the wall in an attempt to make the Nitro explode.

 

[Bamabww]

What do you call the women's swimming facility at Auburn? The Bay of Pigs.

Did you hear about the Auburn student with a broken penis. He tried to get a piece of the rock.

 

[Bamabww]

awbarn hooker

 

[RollllTide!]

I am ordering these.

 

[RollllTide!]

The difference between a 4 year old BAMA fan and an 80 year old Allbarn Fan.?









The 4 year old has seen more national championships.

 

[bradenob]

3 auburn fans enter a large public hunting space know for it's deer and it's convoluted forest. The park ranger meets them at the entrace, and seeing that they are Auburn fans, he voices concerns that they may get lost. "IF you can't find your way back, fire three shots rapidly in a row and we'll come looking for you."

The three hunt all day, but see nothing. As they begin to make their way back, they realize that they are lost. The first aubie shoots three times in the air, and they wait. After a while, the second barner shoots three times, and they continue to wait. Finally, the third tree worshiper fires. They wait in between, and this is repeated.

Finally, the first aubie turns to the others, shrugging. "I guess we'd better just keep walking and try to find our own way out."

The second nods in agreement. "Besides," he says, "we're all out of arrows!"

 

[Bamabww]

Two Barners go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One Barner turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"

The other Barner says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

 

[RollllTide!]

View attachment 6282

awbarn hooker

I know I hit the like button, but just to be clear, I like the post only.

 

[rick4bama]

I know I hit the like button, but just to be clear, I like the post only.

 

[Sgt. Lincoln Osiris]

Coach Malzahn decided the tigers weren’t tough enough to beat Alabama. He told his coaches he had a plan to make the players tougher. He borrowed a three foot long alligator from the awbarn zoo, put him in a box, shut the lid and carried him to the field house.

The next day when the team met, he told them that they needed to be tougher or they’d never beat Alabama. He said “as head coach, I’m gonna set the example and then expect each coach and player to follow my example. I’m gonna show all of you how to be a tougher man.” He walked to the table where he had set the box, let his pants fall to the floor, dropped his boxers, opened the box, pulled the gator out and held the gator right in front of his manhood.

The gator immediately clamped his jaws shut on the small appendage and Malzahn groaned in pain. He said through clenched teeth, “guys, this is very painful but it’ll make all of us tougher men.”

After a couple of minutes, he had stood as much as he could. Using his finger, he jabbed the gator in the eye, which caused the gator to open his mouth. Malzahn quickly put the gator back in the box and shut the lid. Leaning on the table with his manhood still hanging, he said,” guys that was rough, one of the most painful things I’ve ever done but it’ll help me be a tougher man. Now who’s next?”

No one moved. He said, “c’mon guys, all of you need to do this, who’s gonna be first?” No one responded. He looked around the room and said, “Sean, you’re the closes thing we’ve got to a man on this team, be a leader and be first.”

Sean White slowly got out of his seat, walked to where Coach Malzahn was standing, dropped down in front of him, looked up at his coach and said,” ok coach, but please just tell me when to open my mouth back up. Don’t jab me in the eye. Please.”

K , so you almost lost me at "Auburn zoo".

But then... :rolf:

 

[bama alum]

An Auburn fan walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked “May I help you?”

The Auburnite said, “Yea, I want to get one of them day-vorces.”

The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?”

The Auburn fan said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres”.

The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?”

The Auburn fan said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I got a John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”

The Auburnite said, “Yea, I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.”

The attorney said: “No, sir, I mean do you have a suit”

The Auburn fan said, “Yes, sir, I got a suit, I wear to the church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said, “Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”

The Auburn guy said, “No, sir, we both get up about 4:30.”

Finally the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it this way. Why do you want a divorce?”

And the Auburn fan says, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”

 

[PurlJam]

Auburn man gets a job at NASA and has came up with the idea of flying to the sun. Upon his meeting with the higher ups, one of them states that he is a dumbass to come up with this idea and that everyone on the ship would burn up and die in the attempt, to which the AU man declares " Not if we go at night"