💬 Auburn Jokes

[doemasters]

An Auburn fan is so dumb, when he was driving to Disneyland, he saw a sign that said "Disneyland left," so he went home

 

[Bamabww]

Coach Malzahn went to the grocery store and bought a half gallon carton of milk. The cashier asked if he would like the milk in a bag and he replied, 'No, just leave it in the carton .

 

[MunchyOs]

How did the NCAA know that Malzahn had been paying players under the table? He had gum in his hair.

 

[rocknthefreeworld]

Sitting 2 yards outside the end zone with one second left in the game and trailing Alabama by 3, Gus Malzahn calls his last timeout and kneels to pray.

"Lord, I need guidance. I can tie the game and go into overtime. Should I kick the field goal?"

Never having gotten a response any other time he prayed, he was shocked when suddenly the booming voice of God answered "Run the ball to the left. Don't kick that field goal."

Taking this as a sign that Auburn is a team of destiny, he calls the play. It is a nice clean snap and hand-off to the running back who is quickly swamped under by five Crimson jerseys for a 5 yards loss.

As Rammer Jammer plays in the background , Malzahn looks up to the sky and screams "Why Lord? Why did you tell me to run the ball?"

The Lord answers, "I don't know. Bear, why did we tell him to do that?"

 

[RollllTide!]

Harson went to confession at church and confessed to the priest that he had sinned. He said he promised God that if he abstained from sex before the Iron Bowl Auburn would win. The Priest said And why are you at confession. He said I didn't keep my promise. Things were going great for 2 months and then my wife Kes dropped a jar of Peanut butter and bent over to pick it up and I had to have her right then and there. The priest said OK you are banned from Communion for a month. Bryan said that is not that bad, we are banned from Walmart for life.

 

[tide92]

Harson went to confession at church and confessed to the priest that he had sinned. He said he promised God that if he abstained from sex before the Iron Bowl Auburn would win. The Priest said And why are you at confession. He said I didn't keep my promise. Things were going great for 2 months and then my wife Kes dropped a jar of Peanut butter and bent over to pick it up and I had to have her right then and there. The priest said OK you are banned from Communion for a month. Keith said that is not that bad, we are banned from Walmart for life.

Who is Keith? You lost me at the end.

 

[RollllTide!]

Who is Bryan? You lost me at the end.

fixed it

 

[rick4bama]

Bo Nix!! Enough said!!

 

[50+yeartidefan]

No joke here
First win at JH

Happy thanksgiving and roll tide

 

[It Takes Eleven]

An aubrun sheepherder was caught by the other sheepherders making passionate love to one of his herd.
They all laughed at him.
"What are you laughing at?, he said. "You do the same the thing."
"Yeah, but you picked the ugliest one."

 

[UAgrad93]

 

[RollllTide!]

Quarters!​

An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Alabama fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Auburn fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.
The Alabama fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"
To which the Auburn fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"

 

[bamaledge]

 

[RollllTide!]