Man of the House

[reger60]

MAN OF THE HOUSE

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The #@$#&* funeral director would be my first guess."

 

[bear facts]

MAN OF THE HOUSE

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The #@$#&* funeral director would be my first guess."

:lol:

Sounds like she's dead serious.

 

[psychojoe]

Another guy took the advice in this book to heart and told his wife "Saturday night I'm going out drinking and chasing women with my college fraternity brothers. "
"That's not a very good idea," she said.
"And why not?" he asked.
"Because if you do you won't see me for a week."

Determined to follow the advice of the book, when Saturday night rolled around he did exactly what he said he would do. Sure enough, he didn't see her on Sunday. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday all came and went and he still hadn't seen her. Finally, by the following Saturday the swelling around his eyes had gone down enough for him to see his wife.

 

[bear facts]

Another guy took the advice in this book to heart and told his wife "Saturday night I'm going out drinking and chasing women with my college fraternity brothers. "
"That's not a very good idea," she said.
"And why not?" he asked.
"Because if you do you won't see me for a week."

Determined to follow the advice of the book, when Saturday night rolled around he did exactly what he said he would do. Sure enough, he didn't see her on Sunday. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday all came and went and he still hadn't seen her. Finally, by the following Saturday the swelling around his eyes had gone down enough for him to see his wife.

:lol:

Love can be so blind at times.

 

[cominatcha]

:rofl: Good one's.:td:

 

[Wiseace615]

I heard about one guy who got the book as a gift before he got married. He wanted to start his marriage out by following the advice in the book, so on his wedding night he handed his pants to his new wife and said, "Here, put these on."

His wife stepped into the pants which were much too big.

"I can't wear these," she said.

The young man smiled and said, " If you always remember that, then this marriage will go just fine."

His wife then dropped the pants, took off her panties and tossed them to him.

"Okay," she said ," you put these on."

He looked at the panties in his hand and scoffed," I can't get into these."

"That's right," she said," and if you keep thinking sh*t like you just said to me, you never will!"

 

[bamatommy]

All of those were good ones.

 

[Kirk Van de Graaff]

There was a couple married for 50 years and on the 50th anniversary the wife saw the husband crying and she told him "honey i never knew that after 50 years you would still love me the same way you did 50 years ago".

The husband looks at the wife and asks her "honey, do you remember 50 years ago when your father caught us behind the barn naked?"
And the wife says yes, the man replies do you remember what your father told me that day?
She replies no.
The husband replies he told me that if I don't marry you he would have me locked up in prision for 50 years.
The wife looks at the husband and says "and?" So the husband replies "s@#! I could of been a free man by now"